Category: life

43

Published on by A Girl & Her Wolves

I turned 43 last week. I had a meltdown. On my birthday. I have to keep the reason why private because it’s being investigated but yeah, I had a meldown on my birthday.

Then my baby got spayed yesterday and also had a hernia removed.

She looks like a lamp. I ordered her a onesie so she doesn’t have to wear the cone and still avoid licking her stitches. She finally ate and drank water today and let me give her medicine.

We’re also moving tomorrow. We’ll be living with a family in a room in their basement until we get our housing situation figured out (long story). The plan is to stay there until January when a friend of ours is allowing us to stay in their basement about an hour or so away. The house sits on a a half acre and fenced in so the dogs can enjoy themselves. He also has 2 shepherds himself. I’m just ready to start over and get past the mess that’s going on with my life right now.

Butch will be seeing a behaviorist next weekend for his reactivity. Even though it’s gotten better – no more lunging – he still barks but walks away. But, I want him to start being social with other dogs to the extent where he can be around them and not feel like he has to herd them away from me. If I work on his reactivity with a trainer, he will be able to live with the 2 other shepherds in January. Also, the family we’ll be staying with temporarily also have a reactive dog.

I had to cancel my birthday trip to San Diego because of the shutdown. Also, I just didn’t feel like Freya would be ready to fly by then. I’m aiming for late January, early February to actually go. It won’t be tourist season and AirBnB’s will be cheaper.

So yeah, 43 is off to a half shitty/half okay start. I don’t remember a year when everything was actually going well.

Not At Rockbottom, Yet.

Published on by A Girl & Her Wolves

I guess I should post on here because I’m paying for this. Well, it’s been a rollercoaster. There are good days and there are bad days. Mostly bad days. My anxiety is getting worse by the day. A few days ago, I was walking the dogs and there were just too many things going on outside, dogs barking, people showing up because it was a Friday and everyone wanted to chill with their friends. Usually, that wouldn’t trigger me but that day, it did. I couldn’t breathe, I had to stop walking and everything got so confusing. I don’t know how I made it back. All I know is that I’m thankful I had my dogs with me. They were probably the ones who walked me back home.

When I got back, I collapsed into the bed and just cried for maybe 15 minutes. It was the kind of cry that hurt – it was like all the insane, fucked up shit that I’ve been through just all got tangled up into the size of a dodgeball and just hit me in the gut.

I honestly don’t know anything anymore. I have no idea what the fuck I’m doing with my life anymore either. I’m just waiting for a stroke of luck that could possibly change my life a little better. But I’m not holding my breath. I just want to get out of this nightmare.

Yes, I’m still in therapy and I don’t even know if there’s any progress. It’s nice to talk to someone who can make me look at things in a different perspective. I like her anyway and I know that therapy isn’t an instant remedy. It takes time. And I’m still at the point where I’m trying to figure out why I am the way I am. I’m trying to learn how to cope with stress and how to try to not let my depression drain the life out of me. Because, lately, the stress and the depression has been slowly taking over my whole life.

I’ll try to post as often as I can. I wish I had better things to share. But, nope. Sorry about that, guys.

Workcation

Published on by A Girl & Her Wolves

I am so excited that I’m just going to be rambling the whole time I’m typing this up. I received the best birthday present ever. I know it’s way early, but it had to be done because YOLO

That’s right bitches, I’m going to San Diego for a week for my birthday. The perks of being a remote worker comes into play because I can still work while I’m out there and then just go to the beach right after.

Also, I’ve started Freya on training to be a psychiatric service dog for my anxiety. She will be traveling with me so I don’t feel so alone. There will be no one with me so I decided to bring Freya because she’s the calmer one and friendlier looking.

Hopefully she doesn’t decide to sleep like this:

Not very service dog-like.

I already booked my AirBnB by the beach. The beach is right around the corner from the apartment. There’s a dog beach that’s about an hour walk which is fine because I need that walk anyway and it’s California.

For a while now, the Pacific Ocean has been calling me. And I finally get to go on my own doing what I want to do whenever I feel like it. I have never traveled alone before and I’m a little nervous but not scared anymore because Freya will be with me.

I’m booking a whale watching tour for my birthday and this company allows dogs on the boat during the tour. This should be interesting.

I will be visiting Sunset Cliffs Natural Park to watch the sunset and take a shitload of pictures. I’m putting that Canon DSLR to good use for once since I bought it two years ago.

I can’t wait for the smell of salt in the air, the sun, the sound of the waves, and just being in my happy place.

I’ve also been thinking about getting one of these.