Last fall, I completely stopped posting on social media for my own peace of mind. I wanted to get away from the toxicity of social media. I don’t know what it is, but everyone on there is desperate for attention and validation. It made me feel some type of way. Not jealousy, but more like pity and disgust. And like I always have, I isolated myself.
Continue reading “My Type of Bliss”Category: life
I’m Going To Start Liking This Little Life – Eventually
It hasn’t been a bad month but not a very good month either. In less than 30 days, I found a new therapist (she’s great), my husband had knee surgery, I witnessed a shooting, and now my dog has to be medicated because he’s too anxious and gets excited about everything – if that makes sense.
Continue reading “I’m Going To Start Liking This Little Life – Eventually”I’m Done – I Guess?
I deleted all of my social media apps from my phone because of the election results. News apps have been deleted as well. This may sound extreme to some people, but my mental health is still trying to heal after the whole Ozempic fiasco.
I always try to be informed of current events. Right now, I need a break. I’ve been doing fine without doom-scrolling Instagram or the news. I distract myself by watching TV shows from when I was growing up. Work is getting a little busier so that helps, too.
The results of the election could affect my family and me. Our livelihood, our well-being, our survival.
Never underestimate the power of a large group of stupid people.
I’m Just A Shell
Had a bad day today. I have a trip starting tomorrow and won’t be back until Thursday afternoon. It’s for work so it’s not even close to remotely fun.
The dogs were acting out, mainly Butch. He seemed mad at me. He kept barking at me all day and also at Freya. I spent a good portion of my day just yelling at my dogs. I feel like such a shitty dog parent. I know they’ll be okay – they behave better around my husband anyway.
We’re moving on Saturday and I’m only 25% packed. I started packing up the things I want to take to the hotel and I need to sort out the ones that can go into storage like spring and summer clothes, artwork, and a bunch of other things that won’t fit in the hotel.
I have to put together the gliders’ new cage and the dogs’ crates. I also have to set up the air purifier and the room essential oil diffuser.
I’ve been going through psychosis. My patience is non-existent, I am angry easily, I get annoyed at everything, I’m irritable, I’m going through mania, too. And the voices are back in my head. I think it’s the Ozempic. But I’m also under a lot of fucking stress.
I have an appt with my doctor tomorrow to address the psychosis and auditory hallucinations. I might ask to change my meds altogether. The Geodon she prescribed is not working. I don’t know if I’ll need a higher dosage, put me back on Abilify, or the last resort – lithium.
I also have therapy on Friday. I made a list of things I want to bring up during sessions. I’m probably going to log how each session went. I don’t know what I’m trying to get out of therapy. I’ve had 4 / 5 different ones. They all sucked. I hope this new one doesn’t.
I was hesitating doing therapy again because it’s hard for me to bring up the traumatic shit I went to. But all the anger, resentment, and unresolved trauma is building up and I’m most going to explode and that would not be good for anyone.
At this point, I’m feeling like a total fucking failure. I don’t want to do anything but sleep because it makes the anxiety go away. I really hate the way I’m feeling right now. I have intrusive thoughts – mostly suicidal thoughts.
I just gotta get through the next 4 days for this work trip and then figure out what to do with the long list of shit I have to deal with.
The Tummy Tuck
Have you ever had surgery? What for?
In the past, I had to get surgery I didn’t sign up for and they were all necessary.
- The one time I had to get a hysterectomy due to fibroids.
- A dermoid cyst got too heavy for my right ovary so they had to remove that. I only have 1 ovary left.
- I had my 2nd C-section.
- My appendix got infected so I had to get that removed.
- I had my 1st C-section.
- I had gallstones so my gallbladder was removed.
- Last year, I had to get a tummy tuck.
