If I Could Live On An Island By Myself, I Would

Published on by A Girl & Her Wolves

I’ve been asked if I’ll ever go back to Facebook/Twitter. That’s a definite no. Too much social media probably contributed to the worsening of my depression because there were people out there – not deliberately – making me feel like an awful human/mother/wife, etc. I know they’re not doing that on purpose but still…I just learned how to adult, okay? And get this, I can barely see far away without my glasses so yeah…my body is now catching up to my age.

I’m on Instagram. That’s pretty much it. I share my life with pictures and short captions. That’s all I’m willing to share.

Without Facebook, I don’t need to see other people’s political agenda. Phew.

Without Twitter, same as Facebook.

Without LinkedIn, no one knows where I work. Thank God.

But I did find a job. It hasn’t been that long yet so I’m not sure if I like it or not. I’ve been duped before about how great the culture is at work, blah blah blah, then it turns out to be a cesspool of shitheads who sweep harassments under the rug and don’t even punish the perpetrators. What fucking gives?! And if you’re the victim, stop crying because they’ll just end up not liking you and come up with a ridiculous lie on why they had to fire you.

However, I was assured by HR at my new job that whatever the old job got away with would never fly at the new place because they have a zero tolerance for that kind of BS.

So yeah, the new place has the best view.

We have an open layout and I thought that would be annoying because I get distracted easily, but it’s not all that bad. Maybe because people there mind their own business and are too busy to fuck with people. They leave me the fuck alone.

I just wish I could get my depression under control. But that’s for another time. Also, I’m never going back to construction. Fool me once.

Two Weeks Later

Published on by A Girl & Her Wolves

I really should be enjoying this time off. It’s been two weeks since I left my job and it’s been a week since my surgery. I can’t sit still. Life is straight up kicking my ass.

I’ve been to two interviews so far. I’m not getting my hopes up about either of them. But regardless, I’m going to keep applying to jobs that I know won’t destroy my soul…or whatever is left of it.

Even though I’ve been feeling better since the surgery, sometimes I still have to sit down and take a quick break because I start feeling the pain. My husband keeps telling me to just chill and stop doing too much because my body is still healing. He’s right…but, dammit, I’m not used to being unproductive. I have to have a purpose for the day or I’ll be bored and do stupid things like upgrade my phone or buy new highlighter. Or spend $80 on shoes for my daughter which I know she’ll outgrow next month.

I’m also house hunting because my lease is up and JesusTapDancingChrist, rent in this area is too damn much. Also, I don’t really need 1,800 sf because I hate cleaning and there are stairs. So we’re looking into moving into an apartment or a condo which would be easy to keep clean and no stairs. But I deliberately bought a cordless vacuum because of the stairs. Where am I going with this? Oh…yeah, I bought a cordless vacuum to use on the stairs but we’ll be moving to a place without stairs. But I really love my vacuum so I’m keeping it.

So it’s just a waiting game with the job prospects. In the meantime, I did get a new book so hopefully that should keep me occupied. Hopefully.

A Few Things That Make Me Happy

Published on by A Girl & Her Wolves

Planners. Yes, those things with dates and spaces to write down your list for the day. I bought this one at Barnes and Noble. Please don’t ask how much I paid for it.

The fact that Postmates delivered my iPad in less than hour from when I placed the order online. It’s so fucking genius.

Tattoos. I didn’t start getting tattoos until I was 35 years old. My first tattoo was of a poisonous flower – a pink oleander.

Then I moved on to my second one. A tribal style sea turtle with a sampaguita (Philippine National Flower). This one hurt like a bitch and took forever to heal.

Then my latest one. I took the coordinates of where I was born and the coordinates of where my husband grew up. The crazy part – the cities are sister cities. Instead of putting his name on me, I went down this route instead. It’s still permanent and even if we split up, he’s always going to be a permanent fixture in my life because I trapped him with 2 kids.

Then of course, I had to do this today…

I Survived. Then I Slept.

Published on by A Girl & Her Wolves

I have been asleep for the past 3 days. I’ve had so many surgeries that I would think I’d be okay but nope, that shit took a lot out of me. First off, the pain. It wasn’t so bad at the hospital because they gave me a morphine machine.

They made me wear this stupid oxygen thing that was connected to this annoying ass machine. And every time I took it off, it would beep like a mofo. So that made it even worse.

My husband stayed with me the whole time. Making sure I was comfortable and that the pain was bearable. It wasn’t until we got home that the pain got worse and my stubborn ass wouldn’t take the pain killers.

But one night, I finally did. Because I cried so hard from the pain. When the pain finally subsided I finally slept. And that’s what I did the past 3 days…sleep. Because the pain took a lot out of me that I was so exhausted.

I’m still recovering and I have a job interview tomorrow which I’m really excited about. More excited about buying an interview outfit.

However, I’m more excited about my new tattoo. More on that later.

Social Media Is No Longer For Me

Published on by A Girl & Her Wolves

I deleted my Facebook, Twitter, and LinkedIn accounts. Any interaction with people outside my real life circle is not what I need right now. I have my kids, my husband, my sister, and a few friends who have my number so they know how to get a hold of me.

I feel like someone who is about to leave the country or probably who is dying soon.

My surgery is tomorrow. Even though it’s something simple, I’m still a little bit worried that there could be complications. Last time I had major surgery, I had to sign a Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) and a priest came in my room. Good grief.

So I’m only active on Instagram. And even that’s private. My objective is to disappear from everyone’s radar. Deleting my social media accounts seems like the best thing to do. I really don’t want anyone contacting me if they’re not friends and family. I plan to just cut everyone off and not give a rat’s ass about how they’re doing and what they’re doing.

I hope this brings me some kind of peace.