I went to the cardiologist last week. They did an EKG and my heart rate at rest was 117 BPM. So I had to go back and get a stress test, an ultrasound, and then another EKG. I passed my stress test. I haven’t heard about my ultrasound yet, and I guess my EKG is fine? But they have me wearing a holter monitor.
Experiencing Good Bosses: A Journey to Healthy Workplace Culture
I read so many stories of bad bosses on subreddits. I’m curious if anyone out there really has a good boss.
I’ve had my fair share of poor management, toxic workplaces (yes, places), backstabbing co-workers, and office bullies. 5 years ago I left a toxic job that ruined my mental health. A month later, I landed a job in a company that gave me a different perspective on people in leadership. There was no drama. There were no petty or catty people. There was no self-fulfilling leadership. People came into work and went home without causing trouble with other people in the office. It was a rare sight and I thought it was BS. I was still trying to heal from the trauma. I had worked for a company that didn’t care about the people who worked for them. The same people who contributed to their high profits that just get higher every year.
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Sad. That’s all I feel nowadays. I have my reasons to be sad. Reasons I’m not ready to share yet.
But it’s all I feel. A while ago, I felt scared. Scared of the future, scared of the present. Just scared. It wasn’t a fun time – I just wanted to dig a hole and crawl in there and avoid coming out.
But now, I’m just sad all the time. It’s the kind of sad that goes deep in your soul and you end up just feeling sorry for everyone around you because they have to deal with it, too. I know my deteriorating mental health is affecting everyone but me and it has made me be more distant and unreachable.
I try. I try as much as I can to not worry everyone else. I don’t talk about it much. Talking about it makes it more real than I want it to be.
I’ve kind of given up on the whole improving my mental health shit. I just never find the reason to because things never turn out the way I want them to be when I try to prevent the worst from happening. But they happen no matter what I do. It seems like my efforts are for nothing.
I just go on with my life without any excitement about the future. Anytime something close to good happens, I question it. I guess this is what it’s going to be like from here on out.
The Tummy Tuck
Have you ever had surgery? What for?
In the past, I had to get surgery I didn’t sign up for and they were all necessary.
- The one time I had to get a hysterectomy due to fibroids.
- A dermoid cyst got too heavy for my right ovary so they had to remove that. I only have 1 ovary left.
- I had my 2nd C-section.
- My appendix got infected so I had to get that removed.
- I had my 1st C-section.
- I had gallstones so my gallbladder was removed.
- Last year, I had to get a tummy tuck.
Rediscovering Old Gems: A Decade Later
I was going through an old Flickr account and found some gems that I haven’t seen in over a decade. These are just some I dug out. These images brought a smile to my face. I’ll probably dig more pictures up from the past and post them sometimes.
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